Q: Why does
a chicken coop always have two doors?
A:
If it had four doors it would be a sedan.
Chicken Crossing -
A poultry farmer had a
giant problem... chickens from his free ranging flock kept getting run
over on the road that went past his farm. He called out the Highway patrol
boys and even speed traps and tickets did not solve the problem... people
just kept on driving fast and hitting chickens. The police even put up
a sign that said "SLOW chicken crossing" but the farmer just kept losing
chickens. After a little thought the farmer made his own sign and
never had another fatality. The farmer's sign said, "Nudist Colony ahead
keep eyes on the road".
Q: Why do
Ducks have flat feet?
A:
They use them to stamp out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have
flat feet?
A:
They use them to stamp out burning ducks.
Three Legged Chickens -
A man was driving down
the road and noticed a three legged chicken racing along beside his car.
When he looked at the speedometer he realized that the chicken was running
over 75 miles per hour. The amazed driver followed the chicken for several
miles until the chicken turned down a gravel road. The driver followed
the chicken to a huge poultry farm. All around the farm there were three
legged chickens as far as the eye could see. The driver stopped his car
and then seeing the farmer feeding the chickens he asked him about the
three legged chickens. "Well you see," started the farmer, "I am a genetic
engineer and the leg is my favorite piece of chicken. It is also the favorite
piece of my wife and my son. I got tired of having everybody fighting over
the leg at dinner so I just developed a chicken with enough legs for us
all." "What a great idea!, "said the driver, "How do these three legged
chickens taste?" "Well, "said the scientific farmer, "I don't know. I've
never been able to catch one!"
all
the above submitted by "Heif"
Q: Why did
the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
A:
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
Q: What do you call a chicken
crossing the road?
A:
Poultry in motion.
Q: Why did the chicken cross
the Information Superhighway?
A:
To get to the other site.
Q: Why did the man buy a
pet rooster.
A:
Because he wanted an alarm cluck.
submitted
by "Margo"
The Miracle Rooster
- RATED PG:
One day a farmer, noticing
his 500 hens were lonely, decided to go to the local swap meet to purchase
about a dozen roosters to keep them company. When he got there he
talked to several breeders, and finally came to a man who claimed to have
the most potent rooster in the world. The farmer explained his dilemma,
and the man assured him that this one rooster would take care of all his
hens, or his money back. Well, the farmer thought about this wild
claim for a while, but eventually decided to give the rooster a try.
He paid the man and took his rooster home.
As soon as farmer arrived
home and released the newly purchased rooster to his flock, the rooster,
in a wild frenzy, busily began siring the hens one at a time. Within
a very short time, each one was sired and happily heading for the hen house
to lay eggs. The farmer, seeing this, thought out loud "You'd better
slow down old boy or you'll kill yourself at that rate." The
next morning, the farmer was awakened to the sounds of his sheep raising
a din. He looked out the window and couldn't believe his eyes.
That miracle rooster was siring the ewes. He thought on his way to
breakfast, "You'd better slow down old boy or you'll kill yourself at that
rate." After breakfast, the farmer had to chase the rooster
out of the milk barn, where he caught the rooster siring his prize Holsteins.
He yelled as the rooster ran from the barn, "You'd better slow down old
boy or you'll kill yourself at that rate." Later that afternoon,
as the farmer was cutting hay, he noticed the rooster lying in the middle
of the field apparently dead. A flock of buzzards was already circling
overhead. The farmer was heartsick as he got off the tractor and
approached the motionless prize rooster. He knelt down beside
him and said sadly "I warned you to slow down old boy or you'll kill yourself
at that rate and now your dead." The rooster cracked one eye
pointed a wing to the circling buzzards and said "Shhh!! They're
fixin' to land."
Starting a Chicken Farm
It seems there was a man
who came from the city wanting to start a chicken farm of his very own.
He was sent to a local hatchery to purchase some chicks to start the enterprise.
He went in and purchased 500 fine White Rocks chicks to start the farm
up. The next week he came back to the hatchery and purchased 500 top quality
Rhode Island Reds chicks. The following week it was 500 Cornish chicks
and so on and so on for many weeks. Finally, the hatchery man could
stand it no longer and said, "Wow you must be starting a huge poultry farm
with all of these chicks!" "Not so big really, "said the city slicker,
"I'm just having a little trouble with this first crop. I can't tell if
I'm planting them too deep or too close together."
submitted
by "Heif"
We Needed the Eggs
A man takes his brother
to see a psychiatrist.
Psychiatrist: 'What seems
to be the problem?'
Man: 'My brother thinks
he is a chicken!'
Psychiatrist: 'How long
has this been going on?'
Man: 'about a year.'
Psychiatrist: 'Why didn't
you seek help sooner?'
Man: 'Well, we needed the
eggs!'
(found
on the web)
Q. Why did
the chicken cross the road.
A.
To show the opossum and armadillo it could be done.
(submitted
by "bean")
The wind blew so hard here
the other day that one of our hens laid the same egg three times...
(submitted
by dick cooper)
They're Falling Over
One day the old farmer
and his wife invited the new preacher and his wife to dinner. They
accepted and when they arrived they were flabbergasted. The old lady
had fried chicken, baked chicken, BBQ chicken, chicken pot pie, and every
other chicken dish available. They ate until they were about to pop, thanked
the couple and started to leave. When they walked outside they noticed
a chicken dragging itself around and then it fell down. The preacher quickly
summoned the old farmer and screamed "Something is wrong with your chicken,
it fell over!" The farmer replied "I know. They're dying faster
than we can cook 'em and eat 'em."
(submitted
by eddie & vickie)
Chicken Little
One
day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to
her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the
farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The
teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer
said?"
One
little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Smoke! A
talking chicken!'"
The
teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
(submitted
by Bonnie Scobee)
Gay Roosters
The old rooster was teaching
the newbie one day telling him "You need to chase me around the farmyard
4 times. If you can catch me in that time, you get to take over the flock
with no complaints from me. However. if I get away I get to use you
as a hen. One, Two, Three, GO. And off he ran.
The farmer, who sitting on the front porch witnessed the first run, then
the second run, then got up and got his shotgun. On the third run,
he blasted the young rooster. Under his breath he said "That was
the 4th gay rooster this month!!!!"
(found
on the web)
Zebediah and His Egg Business
Zebediah was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred
young layers, called pullets, and eight or ten roosters, whose job was
to fertilize the eggs.
Zeb kept records, and any rooster that didn't perform well went into the
soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of Zeb's time;
so, Zeb got a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone so that Zeb could tell, from a distance,
which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill
out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
Zeb's favorite rooster was old Brewster. A very fine specimen he
was, too. But on this particular morning, Zeb noticed that
Brewster's bell had not rung at all!!
Zeb went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets,
bells a-ringing! The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would
run for cover.
BUT, to Zeb's amazement, Brewster had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't
ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next
one.
Zeb was so proud of Brewster that he entered him in the county fair.
Brewster was an overnight sensation. The judges not only awarded
him the No Bell Piece Prize but also the Pulletsurprise.
(Submitted
by Alan Kukla)
Got
a favorite chicken joke? Email us and we'll post it here !!
|
PoultryHelp's
Fowl Humor
