Q: Why does a chicken coop always have two doors?
A: If it had four doors it would be a sedan.
Chicken Crossing -
A poultry farmer had a giant problem... chickens from his free ranging flock kept getting run over on the road that went past his farm. He called out the Highway patrol boys and even speed traps and tickets did not solve the problem... people just kept on driving fast and hitting chickens. The police even put up a sign that said "SLOW chicken crossing" but the farmer just kept losing chickens. After a little thought the farmer made his own sign and never had another fatality. The farmer's sign said, "Nudist Colony ahead keep eyes on the road".
Q: Why do Ducks have flat feet?
A: They use them to stamp out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have
Three Legged Chickens -
A man was driving down the road and noticed a three legged chicken racing along beside his car. When he looked at the speedometer he realized that the chicken was running over 75 miles per hour. The amazed driver followed the chicken for several miles until the chicken turned down a gravel road. The driver followed the chicken to a huge poultry farm. All around the farm there were three legged chickens as far as the eye could see. The driver stopped his car and then seeing the farmer feeding the chickens he asked him about the three legged chickens. "Well you see," started the farmer, "I am a genetic engineer and the leg is my favorite piece of chicken. It is also the favorite piece of my wife and my son. I got tired of having everybody fighting over the leg at dinner so I just developed a chicken with enough legs for us all." "What a great idea!, "said the driver, "How do these three legged chickens taste?" "Well, "said the scientific farmer, "I don't know. I've never been able to catch one!"
all the above submitted by "Heif"
Q: Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
A: Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
Q: What do you call a chicken
crossing the road?
Q: Why did the chicken cross
the Information Superhighway?
Q: Why did the man buy a
submitted by "Margo"
One day a farmer, noticing his 500 hens were lonely, decided to go to the local swap meet to purchase about a dozen roosters to keep them company. When he got there he talked to several breeders, and finally came to a man who claimed to have the most potent rooster in the world. The farmer explained his dilemma, and the man assured him that this one rooster would take care of all his hens, or his money back. Well, the farmer thought about this wild claim for a while, but eventually decided to give the rooster a try. He paid the man and took his rooster home.
As soon as farmer arrived home and released the newly purchased rooster to his flock, the rooster, in a wild frenzy, busily began siring the hens one at a time. Within a very short time, each one was sired and happily heading for the hen house to lay eggs. The farmer, seeing this, thought out loud "You'd better slow down old boy or you'll kill yourself at that rate." The next morning, the farmer was awakened to the sounds of his sheep raising a din. He looked out the window and couldn't believe his eyes. That miracle rooster was siring the ewes. He thought on his way to breakfast, "You'd better slow down old boy or you'll kill yourself at that rate." After breakfast, the farmer had to chase the rooster out of the milk barn, where he caught the rooster siring his prize Holsteins. He yelled as the rooster ran from the barn, "You'd better slow down old boy or you'll kill yourself at that rate." Later that afternoon, as the farmer was cutting hay, he noticed the rooster lying in the middle of the field apparently dead. A flock of buzzards was already circling overhead. The farmer was heartsick as he got off the tractor and approached the motionless prize rooster. He knelt down beside him and said sadly "I warned you to slow down old boy or you'll kill yourself at that rate and now your dead." The rooster cracked one eye pointed a wing to the circling buzzards and said "Shhh!! They're fixin' to land."
submitted by Ski Meers - Black Forest Poultry
It seems there was a man who came from the city wanting to start a chicken farm of his very own. He was sent to a local hatchery to purchase some chicks to start the enterprise. He went in and purchased 500 fine White Rocks chicks to start the farm up. The next week he came back to the hatchery and purchased 500 top quality Rhode Island Reds chicks. The following week it was 500 Cornish chicks and so on and so on for many weeks. Finally, the hatchery man could stand it no longer and said, "Wow you must be starting a huge poultry farm with all of these chicks!" "Not so big really, "said the city slicker, "I'm just having a little trouble with this first crop. I can't tell if I'm planting them too deep or too close together."
submitted by "Heif"
We Needed the Eggs
A man takes his brother to see a psychiatrist.
Psychiatrist: 'What seems to be the problem?'
Man: 'My brother thinks he is a chicken!'
Psychiatrist: 'How long has this been going on?'
Man: 'about a year.'
Psychiatrist: 'Why didn't you seek help sooner?'
Man: 'Well, we needed the eggs!'
(found on the web)
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road.
A. To show the opossum and armadillo it could be done.
(submitted by "bean")
The wind blew so hard here the other day that one of our hens laid the same egg three times...
(submitted by dick cooper)
They're Falling Over
One day the old farmer and his wife invited the new preacher and his wife to dinner. They accepted and when they arrived they were flabbergasted. The old lady had fried chicken, baked chicken, BBQ chicken, chicken pot pie, and every other chicken dish available. They ate until they were about to pop, thanked the couple and started to leave. When they walked outside they noticed a chicken dragging itself around and then it fell down. The preacher quickly summoned the old farmer and screamed "Something is wrong with your chicken, it fell over!" The farmer replied "I know. They're dying faster than we can cook 'em and eat 'em."
(submitted by eddie & vickie)
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Smoke! A
(submitted by Bonnie Scobee)
The old rooster was teaching the newbie one day telling him "You need to chase me around the farmyard 4 times. If you can catch me in that time, you get to take over the flock with no complaints from me. However. if I get away I get to use you as a hen. One, Two, Three, GO. And off he ran. The farmer, who sitting on the front porch witnessed the first run, then the second run, then got up and got his shotgun. On the third run, he blasted the young rooster. Under his breath he said "That was the 4th gay rooster this month!!!!"
(found on the web)
Zebediah and His Egg Business
Zebediah was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.
Zeb kept records, and any rooster that didn't perform well went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of Zeb's time; so, Zeb got a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone so that Zeb could tell, from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
Zeb's favorite rooster was old Brewster. A very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning, Zeb noticed that Brewster's bell had not rung at all!!
Zeb went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells a-ringing! The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
BUT, to Zeb's amazement, Brewster had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Zeb was so proud of Brewster that he entered him in the county fair. Brewster was an overnight sensation. The judges not only awarded him the No Bell Piece Prize but also the Pulletsurprise.
(Submitted by Alan Kukla)
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